Life of Significance - Ezra Frech
This transcript has been slightly edited for clarity.
Pau Gasol [00:00:09] It’s an honor to host the Life of Significance series with Sanyin Siang. Today we’re talking with Ezra Frech [the American Paralympic athlete], someone I met when he was four years old, and now he’s 15. Ezra, what does it mean to live a life of significance?
Ezra Frech [00:00:41] Thank you for having me. I'm excited to speak with you guys. Living a life of significance, for me, means devoting yourself to the betterment of humanity, and giving back to people. There are so many different ways that you can do that--whether that’s providing sports for people with physical disabilities, like what my organization [Team Ezra] does, or giving back to people in need, or helping out with homeless shelters. I think living a life of significance is living a life where you're helping other people and giving to people who are in a situation where they need it maybe more than you do.
Pau Gasol [00:01:39] You've done that from a very young age. Who in your life lives a life of significance and why?
Ezra Frech [00:02:33] The first person who really comes to mind for me is my track and field coach. Her name is La Tijera Avery and she has her own organization [(the Pass It Forward Foundation)] where she goes into communities that may not be as well-off, and she coaches and provides training for athletes in the inner city. She really embodies the idea of living a life of significance through her work; she does all of it for free.
I also think my parents live lives of significance. My dad left a corporate job to help support me and the disabled community and start this organization [Angel City Sports]. My mom left acting—she left a career she had dreamed about just so she could support my family and the organization.
Sanyin Siang [00:04:20] A theme that's really surfacing throughout these interviews is this idea that we can't do it alone; we need others. We have to remember that whether they're our family members, our friends, our coaches, our mentors—it's through community that we're stronger and we have to contribute back to that community. Ezra, you have this great motto. Let's hear it in your own words and then tell us what that means.
Ezra Frech [00:04:52] The motto is: “You can dream it. You can hope it. Or you can make it happen.” At the core of it, it’s basically about making your dreams happen. You won’t get close to achieving your dreams without actual action and taking the first step in the right direction.
When I was younger, I had a dream of going to the Paralympics—of representing my country on the biggest stage in the world. When I was younger, it was more of a distant goal or a distant dream. But as I got older, I began to realize that it was actually on the horizon and I could see myself doing it; I just had to actually make it happen. You can dream about it, you can hope about it, but nothing actually ends up happening unless you just go out there and take the steps in the right direction.
I came up with this motto when I was younger, but it applies to so many aspects of my life. If there’s something I want—a good grade in class, finishing a homework assignment, whatever it is—you’ve got to make it happen. Especially if things aren’t going my way—like with the pandemic, training has been really difficult—I still make it happen.
Sanyin Siang [00:06:55] For those for whom "making it happen" isn't a habit, there's a world of space between aspiring to something and achieving it. There can be thoughts that deter us—you are going to fail, it's too hard. How do you coach through that so that we can make it happen and take that first step?
Ezra Frech [00:07:38] Self-doubt is universal. But I really believe that speaking negatively about yourself or thinking negatively about a situation has no benefits whatsoever. It’s only going to make it feel more daunting or scarier. When situations don’t go our way, we have the opportunity to either continue down a road of sadness or sulking in a dark place, or you can flip your mindset and make the best of the situation.
Of course, there’s a real balance you have to find because it’s okay to feel sad or unmotivated sometimes or get down on yourself. We’re human and that happens. But the issue is when we stay in the dark place and fail to use it as motivation.
Pau Gasol [00:09:46] What I've always loved about you, Ezra, is your joy and passion for life. You were born with certain differences. I know your parents played a big role in supporting you, loving you, nurturing you, and making you feel like it’s okay to be different. But what was it like growing up and being different? What has been your message and your mindset as you’ve grown older and shared more with others?
Ezra Frech [00:11:48] Growing up with a disability [limb differences], there's no real way to sugarcoat it. It was just hard. It was difficult. Looking back, I could say, "Oh, I just grew up like a normal kid,” but that's not the reality. It was difficult. There are definitely points in my younger years where I was confused and angry. Why was I born this way?
There's definitely points in my younger years where I was really in dark periods and I was just confused and mad and angry. Why was I born this way? I would tell my parents, "why did I have to be the only kid in my school with one leg, the only one of my friends who has a disability, who has two fingers?". There were definitely moments like that. And a lot of it has come from my parents, just instilling a sort of confidence in me that my disability shouldn't hold me back from achieving anything that I want to accomplish or anything that I want to do. I gained a lot of confidence as I got older from my parents. But the situations that I was put in and stuff that happened, I just had to figure it out. That stars can't shine without darkness quote that I just spoke about and being in that negative situation, that's literally stuff that my parents told me and talked to me about. As a little four or five-year-old kid, everywhere I was walking in public, there were people staring and people pointing fingers and whispering. I felt this unwanted attention of people always looking at me and judging me all the time when I was younger. It wasn't until I started public speaking and got really good at sharing my story and opening up about these "insecurities" that I was able to become confident within myself and I was able to really puff my chest out more. My mom used to tell me, "if you're ever scared of what people are thinking, just puff your chest out and walk into the room like you own the place". With that mentality growing up, everything that I did, I just puffed my chest out, walked in like I owned the place, I don't care what anybody else thinks, I know who I am. I know my disability is cool. I just totally blocked out all of that, that negative, unwanted attention. Sports played a huge role in me having any sort of confidence and being able to do anything. And the adult figures that were in my life, I mean, Pau played such a huge role in me becoming anywhere near as confident as the person I am today. I mean literally, my hero that was on the TV screen is now someone with whom I had a personal relationship with. I was flustered with all this love and kindness and it was so amazing. Just like just being able to grow up in such an environment of love and support, and everything that happened from meeting you. It just all combined to work itself out perfectly and allow me to have this confidence and allow me to be able to take a step back sometimes in situations that are difficult and scary and think back to the times where I was a young five or six-year-old kid and had to get through that same thing again. And I'm like "I got this, I know how to get through this". And so it was a combination of things, but Pau played such a huge role in that as well.
Sanyin Siang [00:15:12] There were two things in that story. One is the power of friendships, of people believing in us, and they make the stars in us shine more brightly in the night. The second part of that story, I'm going to hand it over to you Pau.
Pau Gasol [00:15:37] To me, Ezra was a kid whose parents played such an important role. The effect that we have on our children it's so important for us to be aware of. "Just walk in the room, puff your chest like you own the room" and Ezra says "ok Mom, I'll do that and see how it feels. It makes you feel confident all a sudden. When we were playing together, you never felt like you had any type of handicapped or disability or that you couldn't do something because you were born without a leg and you had a prosthetic leg. You played basketball as hard as you could. You tried to beat me at shooting games at our practice facility. He would get upset because I beat him. I was like "Ezra, I do this for a living".
Ezra Frech [00:16:44] I remember that day. I was super competitive.
Pau Gasol [00:16:49] I was trying to teach him, because he was playing on a basketball team, to finish with his right, finish with his left and get comfortable with both hands and go in both directions, which I thought is such an important factor for me and for my success in my career. We also competed and we made it fun and Ezra would get so competitive. But he never felt that because he had a disability, he was less capable of doing something than anyone else. And I think that's so, so important and is such an important, powerful message. You made everyone else who didn't have a disability feel that if you could do it, "what excuse do I have?". "Why can't I go out there and give my best and pursue my dreams like anyone else?". I think you are always very inspiring, and I love the joy, the passion that you always brought to every interaction, and you are just as loving as I might have been. I think it's been an incredible relationship with you and your family. And it's been now, twelve years, thirteen years that we've known each other. It's been pretty special and I just want to encourage you to continue to inspire and bring light and inspiration to people out there because you didn't have it easy. But having it hard is not an excuse because we can all make excuses, we can all find reasons to not do certain things. But you've shown, "I'm going to pursue my dreams, and I'm not just going to pursue them, I'm going to take action and I'm going to do everything that I need to do in order to accomplish it". I hope that one day I see you compete in the Paralympic Games, hopefully in Tokyo, hopefully in different ones and that you accomplish that. And if I have a chance, I'll try to be there to witness it in person.
Sanyin Siang [00:18:54] This is such a beautiful moment. I'm really moved watching this lovely friendship play out. Ezra, something you said before is that when you're reaching those hard moments and everyone in the world has hard moments, in fact, this past year, we've all been living to a hard moment. You said that you remember back to when you were four or five or six and said, "Hey, I've had hard moments.” How does having these memories of difficult times help you in the present?
Ezra Frech [00:20:04] Thinking back to those difficult times when I’m currently in a difficult time helps give me perspective. It reminds me that I’ve been through something so much more challenging, so much more difficult, so I can get through this.
I think about it like a continuous train of events. Getting through one thing is going to help your future self know he can get through the next difficult moment. You can look back and say, “Wow, I got through that, even though it was really difficult.” You get over one obstacle and make the most out of a dark situation, and the effect snowballs. It’ll become a little easier the next time, and a little easier—and then it’s a habit. Every time you practice positive thinking and getting through a hard moment trains your brain. This is how I’ve developed a positive—but realistic—mindset.
Sanyin Siang [00:24:41] That’s amazing. Ezra, I’ve heard you talk about how Pau, your childhood basketball hero, has made an impact. Pau, let’s flip that around. How has Ezra made an impact on your life? How have you become better as a result?
Pau Gasol [00:25:13] I just want to say thank you Ezra for the impact that you have had in my life. The NBA, it's a grueling schedule. It's hard to get through and hard to have meaningful interactions. You have always been so refreshing and energizing to me. To see the days that I was super tired and couldn't do anything, but just by you being there, I wanted to get extra shots and I wanted to play extra games, play hoops in the backyard of your house, we went to dinner and started dribbling on the street and playing.
Don't underestimate the impact you can have on others. No matter who they are. You don't know where they're going to be.
Ezra Frech [00:26:56] Thank you Pau. The impact you've made in my life, it's tremendous. The fact that I made any sort of impact in yours and reciprocated the love that you gave me is awesome.
Sanyin Siang [00:29:28] We talked about the idea of the future self. Ezra, you're only 15. Give us a glimpse into your future self. Say that you've already been at the Paralympic Games, you've won your gold medal. Take us beyond that moment. What's after that moment?
Ezra Frech [00:29:49] It's something that's sort of daunting to think about in a sense because it seems so far away. The real honest answer is that I'm not sure. I'm not entirely sure what my life is going to look like. I was talking to my family about this actually a few days ago. There's a lot that I want to do within the Paralympic movement. I want to compete; I want to win medals for my country. But I really think my purpose and what I’m meant to do is to change perceptions about people with physical disabilities as a whole—to sort of transcend the plane and transcend the idea that people with physical disabilities are not as physically capable as someone who is able-bodied.
The way I really think that I can do that is by competing in the Paralympics, but who knows what can happen later down the road if I have a shot to compete at the able-bodied Olympics and do something that very few amputees have ever done before. The only one to ever do it was Oscar Pistorius. (And that did not turn out very well at all.) But in my case, I think I have an opportunity to do something athletically, so maybe after the Paralympics, if I'm fast enough, if I'm to jump high enough, who knows what can happen. Then maybe I try to make the leap to compete for a spot on the Olympic team competing against the able-bodied runners.
Any person will tell you that that seems absolutely crazy. But at the end of the day, I know that I'm here to do what I believe, what I think is possible. Whatever I'm going to do, I truly feel that my purpose and what I want to do with my life is just push the boundaries of what people thought were capable with the prosthetic leg. If that means going to the able-bodied Olympics and shocking millions and millions of people like what Oscar did in the past, or whether that means doing something within mainstream media—maybe it's getting into acting—I have no idea. But I do know that I want it to be something physical and something involving sports, because sports has played such a huge role in my life. I want to be a trailblazer within the Paralympic community and do things people have never seen before.
Sanyin Siang [00:33:07] Ezra, your impact isn't just going to be on people in the Paralympic community. It's going to be for every single person out there who didn't believe they could do something. They’re going to think, “Maybe I can, too.” You're a pioneer. Your resilience is your superpower and your ability to retain joy, no matter how hard things may be. You're so inspiring and we're so glad to have you here.